Will you blow on my dice?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
