you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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