You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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