you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
