my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
