But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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