Where did you get a picture of my penis
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
