I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
