Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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