Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
