He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize