It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
