There r osticjed everywhere
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
