I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
