I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
