My friends, they love my intelligence
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
