No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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