he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
