Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
