You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
