Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We are all done wearing pants today
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
