i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
