if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I can text with my tongue
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
