I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
