why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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