Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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