At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
