I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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