There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
