My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
