what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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