so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
