Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
