and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
