Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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