I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
