Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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