Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
