If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
