How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
