It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
