Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
