maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
