she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This is my gift to your gina
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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