i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
