someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
