How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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