Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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