I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
