the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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