Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
