i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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