I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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