I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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