Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
