Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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