Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize