i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I enjoy the company of your penis
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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