please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my sisters under your porch take her home
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
