oh god the rape fog is back!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
