At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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