You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Drunk is a universal language darling
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
