Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
