Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
