I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
