I faked an abortion last night.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
