Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
