I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
