So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
