Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
