All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
