and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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