I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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