I'm lost and stupid without you.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
