My brain says no but my pants say off.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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