The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
