So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
