why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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