I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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