Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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