i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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