I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
