just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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