she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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