3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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