I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
