why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
