rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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