we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
