been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
