Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
