the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my sisters under your porch take her home
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
