he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
