Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm having to shit out rocks
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
